I broke up with a friend last night.
Yesterday, I heard from a couple of mutual friends that he had a party Friday night. I was confused, so I went through my texts and Facebook messages, thinking I'd simply missed the invite somehow. It turns out that I didn't; I simply wasn't invited. This person was not someone I would have expected that from- inviting all of his friends and simply skipping me. I texted him, "Did you have a party last night?" He answers, "Yeah." "Oh," I say. "I see. Okay, then." (What do you even say to this sort of thing?) He then tells me that he just felt weird about asking me since 'we haven't hung out in a month'. Really? Really? Let me give you a general run-down of my last thirty days: 4 research papers, 1 group project, 4 sets of finals, all the homework and studying that goes along with attending a full-time four-year university, meeting Boyfriend's parents, nearly quitting the Terrible Job, working strange hours at the Okay Job, working 50 hours per week at both Jobs combined, and still trying to find some time for things like sleep and showering.
So, no, we haven't seen each other in a month, but we have spoken on the phone at least once a week during that time, along with countless texts and emails. Clearly I was unaware that you have to physically see someone in order to be friends with them. If that is the case, I have absolutely no friends save Boyfriend and Luckie. I did a little bit more prying, and it turns out that this all stems from me canceling a dinner with him due to a looming deadline for one of the aforementioned research papers. That's right. I canceled. One. Dinner. AND I distinctly remember at the time giving him several other time options that I would be able to make just as soon as I turned that paper in. I must have simply forgotten to grovel at his feet. (And in the interests of full disclosure, I have to tell you here that I've canceled on lots of people, including Boyfriend, during this quarter of school. I'm still trying to find ways to manage everything, get into the swing of it, make everything balance. It's pretty tricky.)
Until early this afternoon, I was still pretty stung by this invitation betrayal. Then I suddenly saw things very clearly. The last many times I've seen him, I've been bored. I've had nothing to say. I didn't think anything he said was interesting. Everything had become small talk; I was simply friends with him out of habit. I realized today that I've outgrown him. I've also decided that this is okay. About a year ago, a woman in a book group I was trying out said something about seasonal friends- friends who come into your life for whatever reason, stay for a season or two, then gradually fade away. This has stuck with me, and I realized that this is exactly what she meant by that. He was simply a seasonal friend: I met him just around this time I moved here, he was pretty helpful in getting me used to the city and answering questions, we had some common interests at the time, it was good. Now, our interests are pretty divergent, which can make conversation hard. Our senses of humor are different. He is happy with the sort of life he has, while I strive every day for something better. He is the sort of person who would hold going back to school for her degree against a girl. He's the only friend I know that wasn't able to forgive me my cancellation or accept and understand why I needed to do it.
Our conversation didn't end well last night, and I've decided to leave it as it lies. I don't feel any need to save the friendship here; I'm past it. I don't have any ill will towards him, and I wish him the best. I simply just need to move on to people who make sense in my life as I'm living it now. Here's to new seasonal friends and to some old lifetime ones.
